Molly Breckman and Evan Breckman
Line Leader Assassinated In Little Tikes Car Bomb
The universe is often tough, but always fair. We learned this today when nine-year-old Watson “Watsone” Quincy was blown into one million smithereens. Watsone was among the most prominent players in Ms. Lime’s fourth-grade class, an impressive feat considering that class also has Dylan and Oaklynn J.
Watsone’s fate was cruelly chosen one cold Hump Day morning. As tradition, Ms. Lime chose the next week's line leader by picking a name randomly out of her missing kids' baseball cap (☹ ← the kid looks like this. If you find him, or someone close enough, call this number: 911). The cap was only big enough to fit two names, so it was between Watsone and Ms. Lime, who entered her name in an effort to feel joy again. But joy was once again stolen from her grasp, as Watsone was selected to lead the class, in line.
Watsone comes from a long line of line leaders. He had five days from the time he was chosen until he had to start Monday morning. During that time period he was given no homework and had to take a vow of silence. That is all we know because he later died from a car bomb.
His classmates report that he was vicious as line leader. He often led the class to places he was not authorized to visit. His classmate, Oaklynn J., recalls visiting a closed GameStop instead of morning meeting, and later returning at lunch just in case it opened.
“He kept saying ‘my Dad used to work here’. Grow up.” Said Ms. Lime.
Neighbors reported hearing the sound of a car bomb Tuesday morning during their Tuesday morning “Hear-a-thon.”
The tragic death is shrouded by mystery. Watsone woke up early to play in his Little Tikes Car before the bus picked him up. He liked to pretend he was a taxi driver who was mad about Uber and Lyft. What a mind! However, this morning was unlike any other morning, due to the unforeseen addition of the car bomb.
Watsone was likely blown up by the official Car Bomb by Little Tikes. Little Tikes marketed this new toy as a way for developing minds to learn colors. Blue wires with blue wires, shit like that.
The main suspect at the moment is the Zodiac killer because of his history of killing people. Watsone leaves behind a bright future and leaderness line, aimless in this world we call life.